Drought and Rain

“Suddenly this defeat,

this Rain.

The blues gone gray,

And the browns gone gray,

And yellow,

a terrible amber. 

I have been easy with trees 

too long. 

Too familiar with mountains. 

Joy has been a habit. 

Now Suddenly 

this Rain.” 

― Jack Gilbert

Efforts to live an ordinary real life.

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
'When you are real you don’t mind being hurt.'

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' the Rabbit asked, 'or bit by bit?'

'It doesn’t happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.'

- The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery William

Until then...

Dearest,

I wish you could stay longer. It looks chaotic and scary but like I told you, we would have fun together.
I think you are blessed. You had a good one. Every single person who knew you, wanted you and loved you and its a great way to leave. I want to ask you to visit us again soon but you know what, don't think about us, just do what you like, stay wherever you want and be happy. 
Safe travels, my love. I'll be seeing you someday for sure, at the right time, in a better place.

Yours,
XxOo

The Talk

Dad: I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.

She: I don't know what kind of girl I am.

- Juno(2007)

Luck as we call it

We often talk about events and involvement of destiny or luck in their happening. 'This is how its meant to be', ' You are bought together by divine powers' , ' He is the lucky one!', ' Today wasn't your day'. These phrases are a constant reminder of how at the end everything in life is pre determined and how some of us, no matter how hard we try are meant to go through heartbreaks.
And its even more frequent that we try to blame bad luck for the losses and failures in life. Even the small ones like missing a train or going to a closed ATM or Loosing your wallet. Shouldn't fate or luck be something that doesn’t come around at any time? To use the word 'luck', it should at least be a dramatic or decisive 'moment'? 
Like in stories or movies, That one red light, That one letter, That one second when they both turned and missed each other. Or in life, that one wrong answer, that one mail or message i missed, that one time when I should have said sorry and I did not, that one time when I left and I shouldn't have. 

But you see, they all are the result of your actions and plans. Every single moment of fate as we call it happens due to a decision you make or rather did not make at that right time. That’s why another word for fate is timing. That one red light you stuck on was a result of that snooze button you hit in the morning, that one wrong answer was actually the result of you being confused and not concentrated, that one letter you missed showed you were not earnest. And your luck with people is you not choosing to fight for them at the right time. That hesitation that you are not needed, that second guess your love or dedication determines fate of your relation and life.

In the end, fate and timing do not just happen out of coincidence. They are products of ardent desire and earnest, simple choices that make up remarkable moments. Being resolute, making decisions without hesitation, that is timing. That's what make your fate. 
Now that i think of, I wasn't desperate enough, and I should’ve had more courage. I should have fought. It wasn’t the luck, nor the timing that was bad...but the countless times I hesitated and waited.

Towards the end of the year..

This is to remember that sometimes nothings going right in your life but you are still happy! :)

More is less

When I was with people
I would doze off
and look at the sky,

and when I was alone
looking at sky
I would think about people.

I was never in both places
at one time.

May be I was crazy
or maybe I was like
everyone else.

I always wanted more.

- R.M.D.