In the name of faith!!

Provided the fact that am well aware of my incapability to adjust for sake of peace and for people around me, that I am feisty and get pissed off on every second thing in the world, that I am a pessimist who doubt everyone and their motives because of of my bad history and hence I can't start caring and respecting someone just cause they are relatives, that I need equality and reason for all my actions, and this all makes me a very difficult person to live with; I have agreed to ruin ones perfectly calm life with my immutable presence.

So here comes the big announcement, I am getting Married on 11th feb 2010.

Wish him luck, wish us luck!! :)

Me and Where I live...

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Today, like everyone of us, the first thing I wish for my country is Peace.

Peace at land and at our minds, so that we can dream and hope for a better future with our loved ones without any fear.

Also, I wish us Independence, in real sense.

Economic, Emotional and Physical Independence, In which WE, as its people can contribute and can avail it too. Where we have independence to express not just as part of fundamental rights but as people of a nation where when we express, we got listened and understood. Where we enjoy doing our duties and would not feel the burden cause we are doing them for worthy people.

I wish us Blunt courage , Analytical wisdom and Unstained Dignity, so that we can understand who are our friends and who are not. So that we can stop helping those who calls us their friends but do not stand for us, so that we can understand that "A friend who bullies us is no longer a friend" and So we should stand together for pride of our nation and for all the decisions, even the hard ones.

I wish us a better year ahead and I wish we continue to have faith in ourselves. 2010 is going to be an year where we'll have more challenges but we have to continue trying to stand on our own on the name of Self-Respect and should not trust anyone but ourselves.

This one is for my nation and one of my best friend who is the core reason I wish peace and sanity.

HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY INDIANS. :)
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Definitely.....Maybe.... :S

It must be several time we wish for something and it never happen......I mean, Come ooonnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all have a screwed life in one or the other way. We have so many things we want and we honestly chase them but somewhere inside, we all know that things might not turn the way we want them to be. he he he....sooooo HUMAN.. :) :)

I have alwz been the kind of person who plan things well in advance.....In fact I over do most of the time. :P Like instead of making resolutions for a new year, I set goals....
Every year some of them just dies in between, I carry forward few to next year and I achieve couple of rest..... So basically, I am totally cool with being a loser, and I don't mind to have some unreached goals, some broken dreams.....

But what if one day you realise you have everything you wished for? What if suddenly you have all your dreams come true??? I'll tell you what...Its literally scary and a completely freaky feeling!!! :P :P :P :P..... For quite a long time you will not be able to believe yourself and your luck and the reality.....and as you are in habit of being a loser, this sudden change will flash you and your life as if your having a hallucination........ :) :) :) :)
I planed 2009 and for the first time since I can remember, I have everything checked on my list before it ends......Weird isn't it!!! :S :S :S :S

I just hope this bliss stays. I hope god do not equal this by some tragic, sad, bad thing. As Mr. Murphy said - "If everything seems to be OK, Yoy are definitely missing something". Am such a pessimist and I am scared. What if I wake up one morning and find that all this is a dream?? What should I do to be sure that everything is happening for real real???
I would love to tell you the details of the series of events but am still having my doubts, am still not sure....Also, I think somethings should just be part of your heart and only your heart...... ;)"The human heart has hidden treasures
In secret kept, in silence sealed.
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures
Whose charms were broken if revealed"

At home.....

I just felt like writing....I don't actually have something to comment upon...I wanted to write cause am at home, sitting in my room, at my desktop. :)... completely blissful...

Last few weeks were very tiring. I traveled a lot, had lot of work pressure at office and sadly some other stuffs to add on.
Being at home alwz reminds me of my golden days. The days where I used to one perfect person who deals with every encountered problem with great ease. Sometimes it makes me realize what a looser I turned into. Nowadays am full of issues at work, home and life and there doesn't seem any end of them.

I really need some peace of mind. Maybe a day where am not aiming anything and I am not running or trying hard. Knowing me, this is quite next to impossible soooo I think I need to re-define my goals. :)

I already have few Ideas and You guys can also come up with some, Anything you guys think I can be good at or may be will feel nice doing it... I'll be grateful.

Ohhh Btw...I wish U all a very Happy Diwali and a prosperous new year !!! I hope U guys have a grt year ahead!! :)

(*Media Player is playing "Barking at the moon" by Jenny Lewis *)
"Thr is no home like the one you have got, cause that home belongs to you. "

Highly recommended by Clementine... :)

Today at night...

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Ten is time for making up a story,
Erasing all that's dull and ordinary,
No light but hope-light, no end but glory.

Eleven we have a long way to go,
Living through all these yes and no,
Even-uneven, who knows? Closed door or open window.

Twelve and am still wide awake,
Picking old dreams for a remake,
A day without a dawn, no tears no heartache.
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Catch 22

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It was drizzling outside when Nikky entered the room crying. It took me just 10 seconds to think about all the possibilities. Is she hurt? Did someone at the road said something? (sadly its a very common thing.. :( ), someone did something? (Not common but thr are all kinna ppl on this road...), Office? (Some shittest ppl of my life are from thr), work? Fought Dev? (Friend), something happened to family?

I didn’t felt stunned or anything. She is one little gal who have a long way to go learning survival skills. I told her to stop crying. I bought her a glass of water and asked her the reason. She was all red. Eyes were swelled and they were looking like as she has put some red kajal or makeup on them. I asked again....she couldn’t say anything. She was breathing hard and I was amazingly calm.
She finally managed to tell me It was some work related issue and argument at office. She is a fresher and ppl are not helping her. They comment on her work but don’t help. She was very stressed and said she'll quit job and will go back home.

I didn’t said anything at that time, In fact I asked her to cry as much as she can. It helps. It reminds me of my days, when I entered this mean world. I used to think that everyone thinks as simple as I do. I was nvr the kind of person who will cry over things but, Yahhh helplessness makes me angry....so angry that I can kill myself.

I have come a long way. I have altered into many versions, discovered various things and have learned surviving. I still remember ma’s face when she left me at that hostel gate for the first time. She must know it already. I can figure her expressions now. She was scarred leaving me thr. She knew what all I’ll go thru. I am glad she was strong and am glad she tried showing some faith in me. Since then, I am surviving on my own and hope it continues as smoothly as it is right now.

I wonder my parents’ pain and restlessness to let me go. They have alwz encouraged me struggle thru my choices. It must be very difficult for them to overcome their 21 year old habit of seeing me doing things in their supervision, when they can make sure to be a help if I get messed up. Humans are full of several emotions at the same time. But there are some emotions which are stronger than others, which overcome others. I am glad that my being self independent was a stronger emotion for them than their love, possessiveness. They knew they can’t be here for me every time and thr’ll be several things which I have to face on my own and I should be prepared.

Instead of just supporting, they always left me figuring things on my own. Even when I was crying not to stand on the stage for speeches, they refused help. They must have suffered standing as an audience and seeing me struggling. I went, did well and it continued....I have my bad times also....when It didn’t worked as well as other times. But I alwz got something to learn.

This one is for Ma and papa for living this Catch 22, a constant fear as they sent thr daughter on her own knowing how much worse things can turn out and for enjoying all the success out of thr trust.For their selflessness, their upbringing, their love and everything.

To nikky's parents who are experimenting with their courage, letting her daughter grow and face this wicked world...for all those parents who do this....for thr pain, fear and thr chaotic life, cause its alwz this way.....everyone has to fly on his own at some point and has to face this insanely weird world on his own....and am glad my parents equipped me well.... :)

She came to office today, with her super swollen face and super duper swollen eyes. She wanna take leave because she is having headache but she is asked to stay and work on that code. I wanna go and talk to his manager, I wanna help Nikky, I wish to help her hold that innocence she has....But I am letting her go....she need to fight on her own and I should better let her face it now than later in life.... :)

I wish you luck Nikky... and am here for you....just watching....Its for your good!
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I wish :) :):) :)

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I wish you everything , and more....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :)

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