I was around 6 or 7 years old when we were coming from Haridwar to Delhi, for attending my Mausi's wedding. Me, my parents, my Grand maa and my younger sister. The time was of 'Mandal commission' crisis and our car got stuck in the middle of a riot. All that i can remember right now is that I was sitting on the back seat near the window and I saw people shouting and running, while army men and police personnel were firing tear bombs and bullets. My father asked our driver to stop the car in a corner and went outside to ask the policemen about the situation. I was too young to understand what was going on outside. My eyes were irritating because of the tear gas and my maa was putting wet towels on them. She asked me not to look outside but I couldn’t stop myself from looking outside.
I didn’t knew why we were on that car or where we were going or what was happening outside...But I was sensible enough to know that something was wrong...I was thinking about dad...the word 'worrying' is not appropriate here cause i was unaware of it that time...But I dont know why I just couldn’t stop thinking about him....I just wanted him back in the car...I asked maa repeatedly about him....I was restless...and she said that dad has went outside to bring frooti for me...I told her I don’t want frooti, I Just want him to come back...People were still shouting and crying...But all I cared about that time was my dad....I am ashamed to admit that I didn’t care about anyone else except my dad then...Even my innocent child heart just wanted my dad back to me...thats all!!!!!!
But u see...U cant be an ostrich all your life....not that it’s your choice but cause life wont let u b one 4 LONG!!! No matter how much u wanna avoid talking or thinking about the insanity of this world, it bangs you again and again till you realize u gotta stand and think about the actual purpose of being alive!!!
You'll never find me writing something I have not personally experienced.. never!!! This blog is about confession and hence it’s full of personal things...which are actually not that personal...so where everyone else writes about world Peace, environmental issues, Movie reviews etc...I just write about me, my life and people around!!! I never give my stands on any topic. I never accuse someone...or express hatred....never...Actually I am quite a self centered girl or u can say selfish....I just care about my life and my people...I hardly think about what’s going good and bad around the world...or how I can contribute to make this world a better place....I am just a messed up gal who is looking for my own peace of mind....I admit...I am no good!!!!
I don’t know what I am feeling right now...and I don’t want to go into the details as to who is involved, but I am restless again...'worried' is again an inappropriate word here.. First it was Delhi. all those places which were engraved on my heart like forever...places i have seen changing its color as morning turns into day, day into dawn and dawn into night...I breathe the air out of it...I do!!! Now its Mumbai...Its a place i have never been to but I have heard about these places and it is as good as being there!!! Every day and night..I imagined being there sumday.....to stand there and feel what my people felt....and suddenly, one fine day the whole perspective got changed!!!
What are we living for..what am I living for??? going to office everyday and coming back where I don’t have a single person whom i can call 'mine'..away from my family, friends.... Just with a single hope that someday...I’ll get back to them....someday I'll be at my right place in their arms...so hopeless to think someone else might be thinking the same thing...he/she must be waiting for that day, that time, that moment....which their life couldn’t give them...cause of these horrible acts :(
I am still a selfish gal...and I don’t have enough strength to think about how to bring world peace or how to make this world a better place to live....I just want to be with my people...safe and healthy...and I am such a fool that I don’t know how I am going to assure that…I want my dreams to come true...I dont want to loose my purpose of living this life... One day I want to walk my children to Connaught Place central park...want them to see the magenta sunset there, adore it the way I did… without any fear or restlessness in my heart!!!
I guess: "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
7 comments:
Applauds!!- is my first reaction to the post.
What a comeback it is...!!
I am glad you are back on the blog ON and OFF...it is such a personal post and still I am able to relate to it so much.
I really wish someday the fear has no place to live.
You know i just saw "The Dark Knight", and could not stop myself from comparing Gotham city's situation to ours. I just wish we realize really soon that all of us are basically good at heart without any "Social Experiment". Hope we don't need a real Batman to unite us against these **#%#%# jokers.... And totally agree with you.. Hope is a good thing....
Every individual feels in a same manner..."I should be fine and my love ones"
But if its your love one, who died in bomb blast.Than your reaction will be different...
We need a change and change will only come when all of us will be awake.
If every person has clothes, food and shelter than this kind of incident will reduce to a great extent.A solution is "one person should educate one illiterate person".Than future will be different-Atleast your children will able to sit at Connaught Place central park.And will see sunset.
@harshita
Thanks for such a warm welcome!! I am lot hooked here.office, new place...all still new for me!! I went to golconda...hyd is beautiful!!! :)
@Nom de Plume
:(
isnt this most hopless n unfortunate time of our life...
:(
evry one of us hav a hero inside...mine is emotionaly broken :(...
I just wish all these pain in life turned out to be worth of a life living...
@LifeSmiles:)
Hey!!! Thanks for all ur comments..
as for this one: U dont hav any idea wat those bombs and bullets did to my life....or who was involved in it..
But i m still sticking to my old story...i dont want to discuss it.. My point is....we all think ways out of a situation/problem....but thr r acts which left us broken and no broken man can mend this broken world. Thats wat those guys r doin...they r taking our hope,a hope that sumday we'll together make this world worth living and taking pains.
But I think they dont know, no gud thing evr dies..n Hope is best of the gud things!!!
right??? :)
You didnot comprehended my point, try to visualize it. Hoping that one day everything wil be fine...Is not about hoping, now it is time to do...world can be one.but we have to take steps for that :)
ur not the selfish one....
its common with all the human beings that we all want our loved ones to be safe and sound....
i know we are not among those who are the sufferers of 26/11 attack (fortunately we are not) but maybe we can understand their grief and hopelessness through the fear of being a witness...
as far as the problem of ur daily routine comes.....
hmmfff!!! that comes and goes all the time... dosen't it ??!!! :D
ka****ls give headaches to others.... they don't take it by themselves!!!! lol :D
I am sorry to put it here. But i couldnt help myself.
HANDS HELD HIGH - LINKIN PARK
Turn my mic up louder I got to say something
Light weights steppin aside when we comin'
Feel it in your chest the syllables get pumping
People on the street they panic and start running
Words on loose leaf sheet complete coming
I jump on my mind, I summon the rhyme, I'm dumping
Healing the blind I promise to let the sun in
Sick of the dark ways we marched to the drum and
Jump when they tell us that they wanna see jumping
**** that I wanna see some fists pumping
Risk something, take back what's yours
Say something that you know they might attack you for
Cause I'm sick of being treated like I have before
Like it's stupid standing for what I'm standing for
Like this war's really just a different brand of war
Like it doesn't cater the rich and abandon poor
Like they understand you in the back of the jet
When you can't put gas in your tank
These ****ers are laughing their way to the bank and cashing their check
Asking you to have compassion and have some respect
For a leader so nervous in an obvious way
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
In their living room laughing like "what did he say?"
[Bridge]
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
In my living room watching but I am not laughing
Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen
The world is cold the bold men take action
Have to react or get blown into fractions
Ten years old is something to see
Another kid my age drug under the jeep
Taken and bound and found later under the tree
I wonder if he thought the next one could be me
Do you see the soldiers they're out today
They brush the dust from bullet proof vests away
It's ironic at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew the mosque up yesterday
There's bombs in the buses, bikes, roads
Inside your market, your shops, your clothes
My dad he's got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show
My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine
On the back, he hand wrote a quote inside
"When the rich wage war it's the poor who die"
Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay
And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
Both scared and angry like "what did he say?"
[Bridge]
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
With hands held high into a sky so blue
As the ocean opens up to swallow you
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