One Fine Day!!

My day started as usual where i woke up almost at usual time (6:30am), with usual attitude (Gawd why i'll hav to go 2 office everyday???) and with usual stuff around me (my cellphone handsfree on my ears!! :P).. But as I entered office I sumhow knew the is sumthing different about 2day!!!! I entered singing counting crows 'accidently in love' and the support guy from my team stared me with a mixed expression of surprise, weird and heck!! :) I held myself and moved towards my desk almost dancing and insted of logging into the system i put my bad thr and went straight to breakout zone and grabbed the local newzpaper...I cudnt evn read the headlines, was stucked on the day and date mentioned!!! I stared it for almost 2-3 mins!!

I went to my system n found no mails in my Inbox for the first time since i joined here....and I felt glad cause this means I didnt mess nything yestday..Evn if i wud hav....i m happy!!! :) Yupp this day is different then usual....2day is definetly a different day!!!! :)

I am going Home after almost 6 months!! :D

This is the longest time I am evr out of my place!!!!!!!I have lot of promises to make....lot of expectations to be fulfilled and lot of surprises to wait for!! :)

Wishing you all a Very HAPPY DIWALI!!!! specially to those who can be with thr dear once this festival.I envy those who says at home while working!! Its kinna dream for me cause I hate myself for missing festival preprations from past 3 years!! anywz....for those who cant be at thr Home Town!!!....Buddy!!! Whrevr on earth u stay...DIWALI is DIWALI!!!..festival is festival... So push ur butts and lit some light...celebrate it with ur roommates, collegues, frnds, neighbours...Enjoy the festival and make others smile....Thr might be sumone who wud be doing same for ur family...though its really hard to do!!!
:)

It's a GRAY World....

It’s sad to see this world is getting more calculated than simple and natural. I can expect a calculated talk between me and my manager. We both are in a relationship where we both don’t want to reveal our actual motives. We both have a dependency but don’t want other to realize it. We are bound to play with each other. But when its coming to an extend of playing mind games while talking to a frnd on a phone call…I know its blowing out of proportion.

A simple conversation has turned into complication, a time which u wants to be a relaxing moment has turned into a battlefield…where both of us were too consciously trying to mind our words and keeping our hands clean, building fake things…When it’s necessary to win everything?? There should be some things in life which should be away from measures and calculations, where talking should be more like reading Calvin n Hobbs rather than playing Sudoku where we have a race over who is gonna finish it first. I was part of it…still m complaining!!!

You know what really becomes the binding factor in human race, what’s keeping us together anyhow...It’s the Cat n Mouse thing, and its not just fighting for survival anymore. Cat wants to catch a mouse for survival and Mouse want to save him for the same....The one who wins the race will move ahead! It’s much more complicated for us because unlike the very CAT and MOUSE we have quite a developed brain and this brain plays to win...so it’s like we all are playing mind games to be here!

Everyday everywhere we want to prove ourselves over something and we became so absorbed by this that we are trying to be calculated with our dear ppl also…. Its not that we choose to live like this...it’s the part of evolution of the species I guess. We can’t live longer if we'll just stick to the lines....

i liked what “Two Face” says in the movie DARK KNIGHT...

"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain"....

It is indeed tough to stick to the lines when every one else is doing best in pulling u and we cant call ourselves a “hero turned as villain” exactly cause we are neither black nor white...its the part of the whole system....and anywz, there is no fun living without running...isn’t it???

Everyone is hitting their balls with the best shot they can and the strange part is you don’t know when UR a CAT n when ur a MOUSE but we for sure are relative with our actions and even words.

Here I am...

It’s been really long this time!!!
Where was I??? I would say, On the same planet...:D.

Well as I have told you guys I am shifting my Job and City.1st packing and resigning took a lot of me, then shifting and joining. Now Its been almost 2 months at my new place but m still not settled. I realize, a lot is been left behind which was important to me. Sum frnds, few emotions, fun of being close to home and my expressions to an extent.

Tough times always dig sumthing exceptionally good out of u. I realize how patient I can be at times, what is the extension of my zeal and that m a person who lives on his own choices.
I have come a long way!! And honestly I am kinna proud on myself. I have made the best utilization of watevr i got and evn if I have lost a lot to be where I am right now...I have the pleasure to lead a life of my choice.

Mom says - "We love to stay in a hell of our choice then to live in an imposed heaven".

Call it freedom, independence, own space or anything. I relate myself to this saying. Everyone should have a right and chance for making his own choices, committing his sets of mistakes and living on his own terms. So here I am, on my own feet, with my own piece of sky and with my share of breeze... No matter how it is n where it’s going to lead me...It’s mine...

A lot has happened in between. I can see Harshita had gone thru alot gud and bad: m sorry dear, cudnt be here for u. Seems like Gaurav's imagination is enjoing his trips to office and back to home: Thanks for that Blogmate Pic!! I loved it!!!, Abhinav is still consumed in his excel sheets and data gathering...hope he is doing fine with his family, Neo is in Love...quite alot :P, Vaibhav is lost for evr, its official, Hirdu is still having purplish thoughts ;), Ashu is as usual naughty, Shruti seems to be in "même que moi" situation and Lots of new Bloggers discovered me though I am feeling like an alien on my own BLOG :P.

Even your dearest and closest things ask your care, time and attention to stay with you and you should choose them everyday to keep them alive. I'll try to be regular here. I don’t want to loose Clementine!! :)

...................................

Today I wanna write some crap. Something I wont evn understand if i'll revisit
it after couple of months which is quite possible with me.

Something is burning inside me. I am feeling like I am sitting on the shore
seeing drowings and is nt able to do sumthing; I dont know swimming.

I saw her leavin........4 her good but away from me. I cudnt wish her to stay
back,I wish her to leave and find her happiness...But m fighting from
myself...I made a choice...I wish she get wat she deserve.

I read he is nt happy. U felt trapped inside when u r compelled to do somthing
you dont want to do. I talked to him everyday and tell him all wat comes in my
mind...I felt shame on myself..I nvr realised he felt that way....m a fool and
he is grt in taking things within him....We are stil thr...cudnt make a
choice..

He thinks he is happy and he know wat happiness is.Its so sweet of him to be so
sure of everything around, like an innoscent child who think he knows
evrything. He is vertually happy and will come back from there....He think he
dont need to make a choice.

I hate uncertainity and the restlessness associated with it.Making choices
wudnt b this tough if we were sure about things.

I have realised, the thing we really want to acheive is happiness and we never
get it actually. Funny how everyone is fighting and running and cying to be
happy.

I am a 23 yr old girl who have spent less than 20 yrs in consious out of which
can hardy remember worth of 10 yrs and inspite of seeing little in life m
saying this. 'LIFE IS TOUGH!!' and living through it is tougher.

Looks like I have cumup with quite a crap crap :)

"Look into the future where would it be
Space between the lives whatever will I see,
How long will I wander before I really know
What I'm here to do and where I have to go"

Inscribed on me..

"Chaar lafzon mein kehni hai kahani mujhe
kisko kab fursat hai sune fariyaad sab

Yeh shehar hai, numaaish lagi hui hai yahan
banke ishtahaar milte hain aadmi sab

Sab ki khatir hain yahaan sab ajnabi
aur kehane ko hain ghar aabaad sab

Bhool ke sab ranjishen sab ek hain kaise
main bataaun sab ko hoga yaad sab

Talkhiyaan kaise na ho ashaar mein
hum pe jo guzari hai humko yaad hai sab"

I have always loved gazals and shayeries. The mystery of the words and hidden meanings between the lines compel us to be on them.

M soon moving out!! Out of my Job, this City!!!! I realised it late but monsoons here are as beautiful as at home. I cant believe m saying this but i'll miss this place and the rains too!!!

and as the shayeri above says...I have clear memories of every moment I lived and everything what happened with me......quite well....quit clear!!!!

....and she never came back!!!!!

She was still chasing it…call her a fool or optimist…but she knew its worth chasing and she was running patiently behind that kite…

Every time she stretch her hand, wind push it a little further…safe enough from her reach…close enough to hope for..

She always loved being at fields. Clean weather…cool breeze…and her “piece of rainbow” on the clear blue sky. Unlike children who love to play in groups she loved to be alone, kite flying…Though she was not a quite, shy person if not a social butterfly...but it was this part of space and her life which she finds difficult to share...

She spent hours with that kite and used to imagine that she can make it fly to another world. That kite used to fight witches and demons for her and used to save Sun princess...Sometimes it becomes a fairy which is on her tour to see whats going in the world and Sometimes it acts like a chariot of flowers which would take her to the land of candies.

That day, It was a princess who escaped from the Cage of a 'Rope Monster' and was going back to meet her mother...:)

Sun went down. Sky turned red...she was still galloping in the fields…

She heard that familiar voice at distance…It was already too late and its time to decide…now or never…whether to go back and loose her precious or to follow it without being sure if she’ll be able to catch it or not…She stopped for a while looked back at her home….She could feel the voice coming closer…It was the time…she hold it, took a deep breadth, turned and ran down the fields...Its her only chance.

She could feel the distant voice fading slowly…

“Clementine…Clementine!!! Where are you Sweetheart? It’s time to go home!!!”

Between this WORLD and a DREAM..

I am such a grandma….I have verse for every situation and thought…what can I do….blame it on my upbringing. Here is my recent encounter…by my sweet beloved MA..

“Pretending something is not that bad…and if you really have to pretend something….try n pretend that your happy…very happy…this will make your loved ones happy and your enemies will dig their head out to know the reason behind!!”

This works…I genuinely think that pretending to be happy is a great idea…this helps you in enhancing your thought process, make u calm and its better than cribbing on things specially in front of people who can do nothing about your hopelessness. If I am sick or having bad time at office, what my dad can do about it??? Isn’t it just fine to pretend in front of him to be happy??? Because in the end we all find some work around and meanwhile I can just be in my dreams…can look for what is there in this world for me...

It might sound like running form problems and being in virtual world…But it’s so not like this…Give it a thought…give it a try….Its worth of!!!

Pretention is an intermediate state where you can face the reality and can also be part of your dreams. You can have a place to satisfy your mind and soul, a place between this world and your Dreams.

I am a good pretentious person and I enjoy this…There is such a huge difference in where I am right now and where I want to be. I try and make a balance between...I try not to discuss my anxiety and restlessness much…Cause as MA explained this will solve the purpose of people who are responsible for my situation and the people who really care about me will feel helpless..

I satisfy my mind in my virtual space and I try to reflect my satisfaction in my work…
:)
Yet another GYAAN session… :)

Weekend is calling…just couple of days to go…I might party today…
You can call it an early celebration. But I am a kind of person who doesn’t need reason to celebrate, sing, treat, dance… I do it just for myself…any day, anytime, anywhere…whenever I feel like…This also helps in pretending to be happy.
:)
I am fine…Infact quite content… may b this wont b like this tomorrow but I’ll worry about it later…
CHEERS!!!