Jiska bhi chehra cheela..

Went through archive posts. I am Heartbroken.

Present

Sometimes, amid of all good and bad, the running clock and the rising and setting sun, the things falling in and out of place, the run , the fun, the chatter, the walk, building and crashing hopes, the fear of loosing and breaking, the smiling eyes, the dry hands, the pain, the comfort, the past and the future;  I long for a moment in present to breathe.

A long deep breath on my own, with myself, just for me.

Ferris Wheels :)

They look pretty. Like a giant pin wheel rolling on the wind or like a big round colourful candy to be licked :D I love love Ferris Wheels. As beautiful and tempting they look, Every bit of the world around looks prettier from them. The Sun feels brighter, the wind is stronger, and you can listen every beat of your heart. That very moment at the top of the wheel, you feel liberated, free of all thoughts. Peace.

And on top of all, I have the best memories attached. :) :) :) :)

One such love.

Woh Aankh Ke Kehne Pe Safaarat Nahi Karta, 

Dil Hai Ke Abhi Uski Himayat Nahi Karta, 

Kis Baat Pe Rootha Hai Pata Ho To Manaun,

Woh Rooth To Jata Hai Shikayat Nahi Karta, 

Har Baat Mein Hai Uske Sau Sau Matlab,

Woh Baat To Karta Hai Wazaahat Nahi Karta, 

Us Shakhs Ke Waadon Mein Wafa Aaye Kidhar Se, 

Waade Bhi Jo Az Rah-E-Mohabbat Nahi Karta, 

Main Usse Rooth Kar Jaati Nahi Ke Aksar, 

Roothun To Manane Ki Zehmat Nahi Karta, 

Main Uske Liye Saare Zamane Se Buri Hoon, 

Woh Shakhs Jo Khud Se Bhi Bagawat Nahi Karta...

The Warrior Princess

A warrior unlike any,

She has built an army one by one

For every act she survived and endure,

within a new soldier was born

Together they has,

what needs to change ones fate,

She keep her thoughts in her sleaves

and what she feels, clear on her face.

But they have one eternal war to win.

Her Mind or Heart, who rise above?

Cause, for her its easy to be brave,

And for her its easy to love.

When in Doubt

I was working as a trainee back then. New life, first job, you know how it all feels. You have that passion to prove yourself and to be accepted.

One day my manager called me for performance review and said "I think you could have done better. I had huge expectations from you when I first met you but you did nothing like that so basically you should get below expectations but I'll still give you an average rating". Those were his words.

I was new, fresh out of collage where I used to do well so I took it too hard. His words used to run through me every morning and every night before i go to bed.I used to go over and over about all the things I did and all the work done for the project to find what was my mistake and where i did wrong. One can not imagine the pain this process cause unless he/she went through it. This went for 6 months until one day when I suddenly understood the whole system. Its what mom tell me all the time

"There are two ways to make your line bigger, either you actually put some efforts and draw a bigger line or you just go and erase the line shorter which is in comparison".

People often choose the later option.

My project was in 300% loss. That manager was blaming others for his failures in life. I shifted my job and city and am doing pretty well since (*touch wood touch gold*).

I figured one thing about myself, how much I long to be accepted, to be recognized. And now after such a long time and all the ups and downs in life, I know am good. I know I do good at work, home and socially especially better than many people around me. It took me all the time in the world to come out of that phase of self loathing and doubting about my abilities and questioning myself every day what I have done wrong and what I could have done better. I wasted too much of time and energy in all this process and above everything I doubted myself.
Once again, I feel liberated. I know am good and no one can make me feel otherwise. The reason is unlike others, I spent time in drawing my line bigger, not erasing others with whom i was compared.Its the confidence bought by my efforts which cleared all my doubts.

All the lonely people, where do they all come from?

I went to pantry to try that coffee machine because the vendor in the cafeteria make that awful Indian version of mocha-chino which I hate!

So while I was trying to understand the complexity of the new pantry area and on top of that a new coffee machine and was trying to find a familiar option on that, a cleaning helper from the office came and helped me. We chatted for a while on how different machines have different system and he told me that this one specifically make the strongest of all coffees because it freshly brews. :) He actually explained me how coffee beans brewed in the machine. :) I listen him patiently also adding some expression of amazement in between and gave him unnecessary details that how I got transferred and Monday was my first day here and that the last office got a CCD coffee machine which used to work in a different way.

I smiled on my way back to my desk and couldn't help thinking about what Beatles once asked the world "All the lonely people, where do they all come from?". I think all of us have some bits inside where we are on our own.

I wanna remember this moment. I know I'll smile every-time I do. :)